You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
