Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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