The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
