I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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