Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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