Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
