wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
