it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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