we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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