Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
