I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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