im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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