I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
