she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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