We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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