So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
