Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
In America we eat man semen.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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