i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
