If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
