when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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