No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
