Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
