1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
