nutella sex= disaster
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Holy sore nipples Batman
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
