You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
