I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
