We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
