There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
