i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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