enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
