He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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