I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
