it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
