I didn't shave. On purpose
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
