My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
