the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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