***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
