and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
