and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I intend to get homeless drunk
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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