So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
