the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
