he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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