i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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