Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
