sarcasm needs its own font
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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