My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
