I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
