I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
