Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
