I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was born a porn star she said
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
