I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
