I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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