very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
