She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
