we made out on top of his cat.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
